Presentation by Glenda Gibbs 9-23-11
Hello Everyone,
Thank you for being here with me. And thank you to
Andrew Harvey of the Institute of Sacred Activism and Malathy Drew of
Whispering Energy, I appreciate the honor to be a part of the Revolution 4
Evolution Collaboration … together we
move forward sharing the importance of being a sacred activist.
My presentation title is Illuminate Your Life
Today I'm going to share highly successful methods to
assist you with:
·
Practical methods and simple tools to use
now
·
For immediate improvement and lasting
results
·
Supporting awareness, insight, and
understanding for lifelong wellness and vitality
We
make decisions every day … most of us don’t question the origin, it’s as though
their automatic, and in truth they are. Here’s an example, there are those of
us who have $500.00 in the bank, believing we’re broke, while others who have
$500.00 in the bank, believe their well off. There are those of us who believe
success is defined by the big house, car, and education; there are those who
believe a house with a roof over their head and food to eat is better than what
they came from, they deem this as success.
I
have a story I’m going to share with you today. Pay attention to your thoughts
… how you feel and take notes.
There once was a woman who was in a very unhealthy
marriage. Physical and emotional abuse
along with alcohol …………. She was very
angry, she wanted out of this relationship. She believed she couldn’t leave
with three children, being a high school dropout; she felt trapped. She was
convinced she wouldn’t be able to support her children.
Unexpectedly, this woman met a man with whom she believed
was her knight in shining armor – he was different, he was a good man, he had
taken the ‘cure’ for alcoholism. This woman still married, having an affair
produced a child which led to divorce. The courts labeled this woman as an
unfit mother; she lost custody of her children. Very angry… angry at the court,
her ex-husband and especially at this unborn unwanted child, this woman was
convinced it was everyone else’s fault.
This woman gave birth to a very sick baby; the doctor
was strict – this child was not to cry. At 6 months this woman’s father
delivered more nerve wracking news, this baby girl had a lazy eye – it was one
more thing, she and her husband couldn’t afford. This woman’s anger and resentment
continued to increase; she withdrew even more from her daughter. At age 2 this
toddler was introduced to her half-siblings as the little girl who lived down
the street.
This woman didn't know how to be nurturing, maybe it was
a part of the depression era, and maybe she didn’t receive the nurturing and
stability that she needed as a child. Perhaps the years of abuse she
experienced with her first husband had such a devastating impact only a
professional would be able to help. This family was dysfunctional.
A
composite of our beliefs
Definition: Our thoughts
are a collection of experiences and critical logical-thinking from the
environment, authority, and traditions.
Haven’t you:
Fact -- Emulated your parents’ beliefs
Fact -- Responded and predicted what would happen in a
particular situation based on previous experience.
Fact -- A visceral response based on previous
interaction
Fact -- Reacted to a situation or person in a certain
way and later wondered why in the world you responded like that.
A. This
woman resented and resisted authority
B. Perhaps
this woman repeated the mistakes with her children that her mother made with
her.
C. This
woman developed chronic highs and lows from overspending money
Learned
Helplessness
Definition: Not learning to make choices and decisions
for yourself. It is the inability to
trust self or those around you.
Fact -- We believe everything we're taught until we
question.
Fact -- Not thinking for yourself
Fact -- Co-dependency
Fact -- Victimization
Fact -- Playing to lose rather than playing to win
A. This woman let her first
husband tell her what to do, as he had the job and earned the money.
B. She let her parents take
care of her older children most of the time as a way to stay in her marriage.
C. She tolerated his
drinking and his disrespect, eventually he became physically abusive.
CLICHE:
BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER
Definition: Humans migrate to people with similar
tastes, where it feels safe and adage: we’re
not alone, we’re one of them
Fact – Friendships
Fact -- Safety in numbers
Fact -- People who complement our personal behavior
deems us more likely to have a sense of self-validation, belief in self
Fact -- Familiarity of interests, personalities, social
skills, appearances, cultural exposure
A. This adolescent slipped
out of the house to go drinking beer with her friends
B. This young woman
designed and sewed clothes for her girlfriend so she’d have a friend
C. This adolescent hid her
friend’s cigarettes to secure thier friendship
FAMILIES
An Unhealthy
Family
Definition: A dysfunctional family is a family, in which
conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur
continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.
Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an
arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of
co-dependent adults, and could also be affected by addictions, such as
substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.).
Fact – Abuse: emotional, physical, mental
A. A mother’s discipline includes pulling her daughter’s
hair, beating her, leaving bruises
B. The
mother resented the child; she deprived her of love and nurturing
C. No
one talks about what’s going on at home, if so, the repercussions are traumatic
Ostracism
Definition: Ostracism or exclusion registers within the
same part of the brain as physical pain; research shows the effects of being
ostracized are longer-lasting because the fundamental human needs are
threatened.
Fact -- Compliance
Fact -- Unworthiness
Fact -- Helplessness
Fact -- Stress/Anxiety
A. This
child will do almost anything for love and acceptance.
B. This child doesn’t
believe she deserves to be loved, if her own mother doesn’t love and accept her
how could anyone else?
C. A woman is unable to
make decisions, especially good ones for fear of making bad decisions; instead
she procrastinates or freezes and does nothing.
D. This little girl fidgeted, bit her
nails, sucked her fingers and rubbed the hair on her eyebrows seeking solace…
she loved the velvety feel of her stuffed animals or her father’s newly razor
cut hair, all ways to calm herself; her mother couldn’t stand the child sucking
her fingers. Her mother would yell and scream telling her to stop, mocking her
sounds and ridiculing her.
Unhealthy
families believe there is nothing they can do to change the situation
Definition: In unhealthy families there is an underlying
fear of being rejected and or ostracized. The abuser manipulates the family
into believing they are right, threatening with retaliation, punishment or
embarrassment. Members of dysfunctional
families more readily have problems forming other relationships. Part of the
reason is that individuals learn how to interact by watching members of their
family and imitate behavior that is not conducive to forming healthy, equal, or
functional relationships.
Fact – Some Children of unhealthy families have no
contact with the extended family of their parents due to disharmony,
disagreement, prejudice, feuding, etc
Fact -- Manipulation, intimidation
Fact -- High levels of jealousy or other controlling
behaviors
A. This
little girl wasn’t allowed to stay with her extended family, it was none of
their business what occurred in her home, the mother told her daughter she had
a big mouth, she was threatened the daughter might tell.
B. The
family of this woman didn’t like her abusiveness; they felt helpless, they
believed there was nothing they could do.
C. The
mother demanded her daughter to lie to the bill collectors when they called
Codependency
Definition: Codependency has many definitions; the most prevalent
is codependency is a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family
members in order to survive in a family that is experiencing emotional pain and
stress. It is a dependency on people’s moods, behaviors, sickness or
well-being, their love, and finances. Codependents look strong but feel
helpless.
A person who is co-dependent flounders and struggles with
issues related to self-worth; uses other people (and animals) as a means of
distraction from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Typically, the
co-dependent person tries to find a good parent to give them what they didn't
get in their own childhood. Commonly, co-dependency involves negative feelings
of self-worth as well as feelings of guilt, shame, fear, anger and sadness that
have originated in childhood.
Fact -- Controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism,
avoidance of feelings, intimacy problems, care-taking behavior, hyper
vigilance, unrealistic expectations, denial, and physical illness related to
stress.
Fact -- Impulsive: Decisions are made randomly or based
on a reaction rather than a thought out course of action
Fact -- Family members try to protect the dependent
person from the consequences of his/her behavior by taking responsibility for
the person. Typical behavior includes making explanations or smoothing out
embarrassing situations.
A. After
her father went to bed this little girl would sneak into the kitchen, using a
cigarette lighter for light, on her hands and knees picking up the lint and
crumbs prior to her mother getting home from work to avoid her mother’s wrath.
B. The
mother would go to town and find a good sale, spending the bill and grocery
money on fabric and other items, hiding them in the trunk of the car and
telling the children to keep their mouths shut. After their father went to
sleep, the purchases would be brought in and hid.
C. The
children attempted to inform their dad of their mother’s lying to him about
their behavior; his response, “that’s just your mother; if you would behave she
wouldn’t get mad”.
D. This
woman hated the rural community where they lived. Her complaining about it fell
upon her husband’s deaf ears as he loved it and enjoyed his work. One day she
announced with or without or without him, she was moving to town. Her husband
followed.
E. Because
of this woman's beliefs, her daughter emulated her mother with the raising of
her children.
This girl grew into a woman, floundering trying to find
herself. Through trial and many, many errors she knew there had to be something
better. With an estranged mother and intermittently estranged siblings and a
story most wouldn’t claim she continued to search and flounder.
A social worker came into her life befriending her,
introducing her to reading personal development and self-help books. She read
every book she could get her hands on. (Prior to this, she didn’t read much as a
child, for reading was a waste of time – though work wasn’t); years following
she had other mentors, teaching her what being healthy included. One woman in
particular befriended her, teaching about relationships and reciprocation,
accountability and keeping her word and spirituality.
Helping people was at the forefront for this woman. When
she was a little girl, she said she wanted to be a nurse when she grew up. As
she grew older, the need to help people continued to grow though being a nurse
diminished. Eventually finding her ‘niche’ her passion and curiosity were on
fire. She couldn’t learn fast enough. Returning to school as an ‘older’ student
to become a therapist she continued with ongoing schooling for alternative
therapies.
Here she was … parents with mental health and alcohol
issues (the alcohol issues resurfaced with her former husband), death of a baby
brother to SIDS, learning and vision disorders; raising a blended family and
numerous foster children, reoccurring financial hardships and bankruptcy,
returning to school, divorce, stress, stress and more stress and later, an
active parental role in her grandson's life, this woman found the inner
strength to take charge of her life... learning how to make life work for her. Her
mantra “there’s gotta be a better way, what is it?”
****
While you were listening, where did your thoughts go?
What thoughts and feelings came up? Were they of that poor girl? Or did they
include what a terrible mother that woman was? Perhaps you saw parts of
yourself in this story.
There’s gold in this story. There’s always gold if we
look for it. What gold did you find?
When we have a situation that isn’t working it seems to
be simple to shift our focus to possibilities and solutions, yet being human this
isn’t always the case. Thinking is automatic,
we don’t question why we think the thoughts we think, not any different than
the woman in the story. She believed her own story, she had a scarcity
mentality.
For change to occur, we must question our thoughts, are
they really true? Do we have irrefutable proof? If not, it’s time to put that
thought in an imaginary box with a lid, close the lid and put the box on a
shelf, you can always retrieve it (or others) as you choose or again, using
your imagination, press the delete button, putting it out of your mind
completely, being sure to replace it with a healthy thought.
As a Sacred Activist, I ask… how do we mirror our
planet? I believe the state of our earth is reflecting each of us. I believe
it’s our responsibility to acknowledge this and to make a commitment to go
within and allow ourselves to listen to how we can improve this state. I also
believe it’s within each of us to share, teach, and mentor being the essence of
love and when we find ourselves in judgment or resistance may one who is free of
that drama offer objectivity. It is through love change happens; resistance met
with resistance only reinforces the situation.
I believe Together we can learn from each other;
together we can make a difference.
One last thing … remember that child in the story?
There are days where she finds herself repeating aspects
of earlier conditioning and she occasionally flounders. Her personal
development continues.
Life has been an interesting journey – without all of
the events and experiences this story wouldn’t be a teaching tool. This is a
story and it’s my story.
Today, I share my passion assisting people with
acknowledging and accepting their dark side, their beliefs about themselves,
their struggles and assist them into making choices supportive of a life that
works for them.
The gold – my take away, is believe in me … symptoms of
not believing in me are when I say “I don’t know”, I experience any of the
following, fear, doubt, freeze,
procrastination … when I’m unable to change my thinking pattern I do a couple
of things, meditate and I talk to God.
Illuminate Your Life!
It’s your time to say “YES, I AM HAPPY!! I AM THE CHANGE AND I CHOOSE TO MAKE THIS
WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE!!
Glenda Gibbs
Changing
Perceptions…
Transforming
Lives…
For
a list of tools click
here
