Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Fare Exchange

A lady was sharing with me her plight ... She gave her husband control to make her decisions. When certain situations are to her advantage, she is in agreement — with others, she feels stuck, finding herself in a turmoil of emotions. 

 she might have thought it would be easier, her husband knew more, she might be ‘wrong’ … maybe even believing her husband was smarter… with years of avoiding decision making for herself, it’s no surprise she was feeling resentful and bitter.  

By not making a decision is making a decision.

Who is responsible? ... As one experiences powerlessness, bellows “not me” forgoes developing character (exercising the brain by asking questions, learning more information, applying clarity, focus, perseverance and a whole lot more).

Blame is self-defeating. 

To move out of this situation, a decision is necessary. 

Decisions are inevitable, some pleasant and others down right uncomfortable. When we give up our right to make a decision and let someone else be responsible for us, we also give up our belief in ourselves and God.

Happy day,


  1. I think not making a decision is sometimes a choice so the person will not be the "bad guy" in a situation. That way, they feel no blame and can point the finger at the other person. It's pretty much passive/aggressive and shows a lack of courage and backbone. It's not a good thing when you're the other person, and definitely doesn't further a relationship.

  2. I was deeply hurt by someone on the board of trustee's at my church, she was very angry about not having a say who was our night whatchman at our church. She said very mean things to me. I was the night watch mans friend. I helped get him his job. This person was a manager of a big law firm and is a new memeber and was elected to the board of trustee's, I am on that board also. She does not know the night watch men orther people on the board knows him. He is a good man. It hurt me so much emotionally I was going to quit going there. How do I take care of of this , to stop the emotional pain.

    1. Kudo’s to you for helping your friend get a job. I’m sure he is most appreciative having your support along with the other board members.

      This woman’s attempt to make your life miserable is unacceptable; it’s also indicative of how she feels about and treats herself – unwilling to address her issues, she’s projected them onto you. Her behavior is one of a bully and yours is a victim. Her behavior is identified as aggressive as yours is passive. Most of us have experienced both.

      There is inner work for you to do. I’m guessing she is not the first bully/control freak in your life. She’s triggered / pushed your buttons. It seems it’s time for you to believe in you, love and nurture you, and by doing so, is saying NO to people treating you in this manner.

      When we have pain we seek out ways to feel better. Many of us seek out methods to numb or ignore the pain, e.g., power in an attorney’s environment, shopping, being a rescuer, over indulging with alcohol, pornography, and gambling … a tip of the iceberg.

      A metaphor: putting a Band-Aid on a boil, the Band-Aid won’t heal the boil. When the boil is bumped, there is pain; once the boil is lanced and cleaned the healing begins, the Band-Aid then assists the wound from being re-infected providing the wound is treated.

      Back to inner work. I am a strong advocate of Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as EFT and Tapping. It looks silly and some would suggest it’s woo woo. Patterned after Chinese Acupuncture, this method (using fingers rather than needles) to collapse negative emotions is cleaning the wound.

      Go to YouTube and enter Pamela Bruner or Brad Yates, both are excellent EFT Practitioners, select a topic and join them.

      Get Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” – read daily. If you’re not one to sit for long, begin with setting a timer for 5 minutes graduating it to 20. Or get a CD and listen to it to and from work.

      Breathe!! When we’re upset we forget to breathe.

      Seriously. Breathe in through your nose filling your belly and exhale through your mouth.

      Go for a walk, enjoy nature.

      Exercise - move.

      Sleep at least 7 hours nightly. Insomnia? Tap yourself back to sleep.

      Volunteer doing something that makes a difference, you feel happy and your endorphins kick in producing more happy feelings.

      Find things to laugh about.

      Quit thinking and over analyzing this situation. (I am not minimizing – redirecting your thought/feelings to a healthier state). Your choices weren’t malicious. Fire any negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts and emotions.

      Surround yourself with mementos of past successes, e.g., at your desk place add photos, awards, anything shifting your mind from a negative experience to a positive. Be sure to move these around as the mind gets used to the placement and after a while it’s like letting opening a door to the infection. When our mind gets bored it goes looking for something to stimulate it.

      Meditate – Go to my website, there is a free 5 minute guided meditation available. Do this daily. Do this daily. Yes, meditation is the answer to slowing your brain down and allowing God to answer your prayers.

      Pray daily. At least once a day, make a conscious choice to pray.

      Make a Gratitude list. Write on paper, daily prior to sleep all of the things you’re grateful for. Do this daily!

      Find a group of friends who support you in your greatness – rather than keeping you small and an ongoing victim. Let them love you.

      A therapist who knows EFT, Hypnosis, NLP and traditional modes of therapy, one who insists you take action and you do.

      Wishing you much success!

      Love to you,

  3. You've mentioned that you are a strong advocate of Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as EFT and Tapping and I think we have something in common. I've actually been doing this for more than a year already and it helps especially in relieving my stress.

    1. I agree, EFT really helps with reducing stress; I've used it and had excellent success.

      Wishing you a great day!