I Would Never… Oh, Wait!

Gosh, I can’t count how many times I’ve said, I would never do that!

And yet, in between those moments, I remind myself—never say never. Because let’s be real—the second you do, it’s bound to happen. At least, that’s how it works in my world.

Come on, that has to have happened to you too… It’s okay if you don’t admit it. It’s even okay if you’re in denial. I have some of those situations in my life — denial. Like the fact that I am forever young. I do not relate to the word senior. Not now, not ever… unless, of course, it saves me money. And even then, I do it very discreetly.

Oh, I know there are those who toot their horn and wear it as a badge of honor—well, they can have my share. I’m perfectly fine in my little world of denial. Like I said, I’m forever young, full of energy, juggling too many projects, and honestly, I think it’s pretty darn cool.

However, denial has a way of creeping up, subtle at first… or maybe not so subtle. And that brings me to one of my latest I would never do that moments.

It’s called a fart.

I swore I would never say, I farted. Never. I don’t even like the sound of that word. Maybe it’s some deep-seated childhood thing. I remember my dad saying my mother could raise the roof with her… passing gas. No, actually, he said farting. And snoring.

I made a vow—I would never do that. Never. And for the most part, I haven’t. I’ve always said passing gas because, as I mentioned, the word fart sounds like something—like I was raised under a rock, completely void of culture. And you know what? That’s… well, pretty much true. So here I am, not only having said the word fart—also having done it.

Here’s where it gets funny.

Tonight, I farted. And my dogs, who were asleep, shot awake like it was a gunshot, scrambling to run for cover!

I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

And then, of course, I had to share it with a few people. Their laughter made it even funnier.

And then, I had one of those Oh My Gosh! realizations—I had raised the roof.

I never expected that. Hmmm, then again… maybe it was inevitable.