I’ve always enjoyed Christmas decorations, lights and the
hoop-la-la around me. Operative words are “around me”. Year after year I’d make
new agreements to do it different, be more prepared and year after year, my
stress level would be at an all-time high. I finally found a solution: rather
than overwhelming myself with guilt and expectations, spending money already
committed, getting stressed and depressed, I tapped. Tapping (Emotional Freedom
Technique) has allowed me to release the stress and the underlying behaviors,
thoughts and feelings regarding Christmas – thus I’m able to make better
decisions, sleep at night and enjoy the Christmas season in a whole new way.
I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most
profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves. - Shirley
MacLaine
I cringed when someone introduced their partner
/husband/wife as their 'other half'.
When I married my ex-husband I became Mrs. Husband's first
and last name. It gave me value, an identity. I believed that my husband would
give me what I didn't have and his name was one of many ways he rectified my
existence.
Somewhere along the path of life I learned that I wasn't
enough and by attaching myself to someone, I would be whole.
Many years later my children's father and I divorced. My
other half – the person who rectified my existence was gone and once again, I
was without an identity, though not for long.
Another man came into my life, this time a doctor. I
remember calling my mother exclaiming how I was in relationship with a doctor.
This declaration trumped my typical conversation: my mother was impressed.
Eventually, the doctor and I went different directions and
the day came when realized I was co-dependent.
I went to work on myself and transitioned out of
co-dependency to being independent. I didn’t realize one was/is the shadow of
the other. Oh gosh.
Many years later I learned (and continue) to practice being
inter-dependent. Learning to love and accept myself as a whole person has been
quite the experience.
I always thought I was going to “starve to death”. Anytime I’d run short on money (regularly)
this fear would be at the forefront. One day I was especially stressed and sharing
this overwhelming fear with my friend. She asked me if I had ever starved to death.
This question jolted my racing mind; well, almost. I shared how as kids growing up we were generally hungry, there was no snacking as the food we had was already designated for another
meal and there were times there wasn’t enough to go around. Through this exercise I realized I hadn’t
starved to death. Oh wow! What a realization.
I love to cook and I’m quite creative. My daughter has said,
“Mom your frig looks empty yet you can put together a really good meal. Amazing.” My cooking is from scratch (no boxes and few
cans). A few years ago friends of mine
introduced me to Sunday night dinner where several people joined, bringing a
dish. It was a wonderful experience. They moved to Ecuador and I continued the
Sunday dinner gathering.
Recently I was sharing with a friend I had been invited to a
Christmas potluck and the foods I planned to take, he said you always provide
more food than others. I didn’t have a
reply why, though what he said is true. This morning it came to me. I don’t want ever
a time where we need to stretch the amount of food – the possibility of someone
leaving hungry isn't necessary. Having plenty of food allows everyone to enjoy their entire
experience – good food, conversation and they leave full. If there are leftovers there’s always
someone who is thrilled to be the recipient.
Interesting how (what seemed like) deprivation and how it has developed
into abundance. I am so blessed to have this gift of cooking and honored there
are so many who enjoy it. We all benefit.
